"I Wish I Would Have"
Every time you have the thought, "I wish I would have," I'm sure if you think about
it later in life, you will realize that thought will change to, "I'm glad I didn't."
Think about your kids or grandkids and remember if your past had been any different
even right down to the second, everything would be different, including the kids.
So, if you have made a financial mistake, had a romantic disappointment or anything
else that brings up the thought, "I wish I would have," just look around you, I'm
sure you can smile and lose the thought.
From the late 1960's until the summer of 1987, I was probably the Farwell Eagles
#1 fan, except for the Paesens. In my hunting clothes at the football games or driving
through the snowstorms to the basketball games; if they played, I was there.
Then in mid-summer in 1987, my golf game started going downhill. 38-41 suddenly
went to 42-45. Any golfer that knows they can break 40 on any given day then shoots
44-45 two or three weeks in a row, knows something is wrong. Instead of walking,
because of weakness I suddenly thought a cart seemed like a good idea.
Labor Day weekend, 1987, I was at Kinross, in the Upper Penninsula, to race a horse
(I have raced harness horses since 1970) and just couldn't keep going. Went to Petoskey
Hospital, then on to Mayo Clinic. Diagnosis, Hairy Cell Leukemia. Remove the spleen
and live at best 6 months, or experimental drug. Easy decision, experimental drug.
Chemo, 1 ½ inch needles in the top of my thigh every day for 6 months then every
other day for 4 ½ years. Looks like it's gone. Getting off chemo and not feeling
miserable every day, what a relief. About 2 years later, it's back.
New treatment, 7 days of continuous I.V., go ahead, just hit me in the head, the
fight's over. Maybe not. Gradually feeling better. About five years later, I'm feeling
good enough to realize that I'm not feeling right again. A Heart Cath, 5 stents
in the heart, and because of the dye from the Cath. the kidneys quit. Once again
for the third time, the doctors tell me the end is near. It's called End-stage Renal
Failure.
I lose track of the exact dates, but 3 days a week I drive to Alma for my 4 ½ hours
of dialysis (it's worse than being on chemo). During dialysis on 9-11, I watched
the Twin Towers get hit and go down. My first thought was, I guess I'm better off
than a lot of other people.
I was told I would always be on dialysis. After 10 months of dialysis, my weekly
blood test told the Dr. that something very unusual had happened. They are borderline,
but the kidneys are working.
I have 2 worthless shoulders, a fractured hip, can't breathe good enough to walk
very far, and couldn't fight my way out of a wet paper bag. But, unfortunately I
never lost my appetite (just look at me to see the proof) and a couple other things
have happened.
First the "wish I would have" thought appeared occasionally until I decided the
"I'm glad I didn't" will almost always win.
Second, "don't quit" is always the best idea.
Always have a plan "B" when you are day-dreaming.
Make sure your plans are flexible and don't hesitate to make the necessary changes.
Think smart before you work hard.
If you want to have a successful plan or program you need two things to happen.
First, don't ever think you know it all and second, surround yourself with the most
knowledgeable people available.
In the fall of 2006, I finally began feeling good enough to start going to some
ball games again instead of reading the papers. I watched our eighth grade rocket
football kids, and then went to a couple Jr. High basketball games. My first thought
was "What an amazing group of talented boys." So I made a commitment to myself
and decided I'm going to follow these boys through their high school years.
Late last summer I went to the field and watched a couple football practices. I
suddenly had a new illness. The sick feeling in my stomach (a big area of sickness)
knowing that these great young athletes were not going to be successful.
The very first game of the season our Athletic Director, bless her heart, made it
possible for me to park my truck at the east end of the field so I didn't have to
walk.
I was there just about every game and she came over to say "hi" every week. I appreciated
that.
Soon after the last game I stopped in and talked to her about bringing someone in
to help our program. I guess the rest is history.
I can still day-dream about what could and should happen. I also know that many
people will have the "I wish we would have" thought after next season.
This group of kids deserves to graduate from high school, leaving behind them a
great record of success in football and more so in basketball, instead of just graduating
as a great group of talented boys that will always know "what should have been."
I still do my day-dreaming and often think about my old coach, Coach Paesens.
I remember the many scholarship offers from the Michigan Colleges – three or four
football, half a dozen basketball and many baseball. Coach said his best advice
to me would be to pick the sport I liked the best, look at the offers and make my
decision with that in mind.
I was from a baseball family. My dad signed a contract with the old Philadelphia
Athletics. He got homesick and hurried back home to Lake George. My brother was
captain and a catcher at Michigan State. He said I was always quicker, could hit
better and was sure I could make it at Michigan State. So, I accepted the books,
tuition and a meaningless job at Michigan State. After my freshman year and the
summer back home, I too realized that is wasn't fun being away from home. My brother
played 2 years in the Detroit Tiger farm system and really didn't have a lot of
fun.
It was easy for me to say no to an offer from the Cincinnati Reds, and to admit
to myself that Coach Paesens suggestion probably would have been best. I loved basketball.
I also remember a few years later when I was on my hands and knees, between Mr.
and Mrs. Paesens, laying sod on the (then) new football field. Coach Paesens was
a thinking man that didn't waste a lot of words. But I can remember him reminding
Mrs. Paesens and me to "keep the green side up." Mrs. Paesens was dripping with
sweat and her face was as dirty as her hands from wiping the mosquitoes and bugs
off her face. Then, I remember the Coach saying, "Nice jump." I said, "What do you
mean?" He said he was busy with the relay team and never congratulated me when I
won the Pole Vault at the Regional Track Meet in Mt. Pleasant to qualify for the
State meet. I kiddingly told him he didn't congratulate me at the State meet either.
I passed on the first height of 10 feet, and then missed all three chances at my
beginning height at 10'6". He also mentioned how nice it will be for the boys to
be able to play on the new field. We agreed as we picked up all the little stones
before the sod was placed, green side up.
I sure loved that old coach of mine, and I know he knew it but I never told him.
"I wish I would have." That is one wish that will never change. We aren't doing
justice to our kids and his field.
I realize that no one cares but I do have a couple more thoughts that I need to
write down so I don't later have to say, "I wish I would have."